How to use a strap-on dildo alone or with a partner

How to use a strap-on dildo alone or with a partner

If you’re wondering how to use a dildo, you may be asking one of several questions. Maybe you want to know how to incorporate a dildo into your masturbation routine. Maybe you want to use a dildo as a strap-on with your partner. Or maybe you’re considering buying a dildo but want to know everything you can do with it before you buy it. Whatever the reason, we’ve got you covered.

Dildos – which, by the way, are sex toys used for penetration, usually in the shape of a phallus – are a fun addition to any sex life, alone or in pairs. While they are fairly straightforward to use, there are some tips and tricks to keep in mind if you want to stay safe and make the most of the toy. Below, find out everything you need to know about how to use dildos on your own and with a partner.

1. Choose your dildo carefully.
Maybe you already have a dildo, in which case you can skip this step! But if you don’t already have one, chances are you know there are many different types of dildos out there. Even an overwhelming number of them. When choosing a dildo, there are several factors to consider: material, size, shape, anal security, and whether you want to use it free hand or with a harness (meaning, use it as a strap-on, possibly with a partner).

Dildos come in almost all shapes and sizes. Some are straighter, like the Avant Pride P8 Love Dildo ($60, Babeland) and some are more curved for G-spot stimulation, like the Lovehoney Slimline G-spot Sensual Glass Dildo ($25, Lovehoney). Some are shorter, like the Buck Vixskin dildo ($130, Babeland), some are longer, like the Spectral glass dildo ($150, Babeland); some are thicker, like the King Cock ultra-realistic Girthy suction cup dildo ($45, Lovehoney), and some are narrower, like the Charm silicone dildo ($45, Babeland); some are thicker, such as King Cock ultra-realistic Girthy suction cup dildo ($45, Lovehoney), some are narrower, such as Charm silicone dildo ($45, Babeland); some are more… . dildos and lifelike, such as the Bandit Dildo ($130, Babeland), and come in bright colors and less biological shapes, such as the Limba Flex Dildo ($70, Babeland). It’s a blonde situation.

Again, you have a lot of material to choose from. You can divide most sex toy materials into two broad categories: porous and nonporous. As SELF previously reported, porous materials have tiny holes (like pores) that can harbor bacteria, fungus, and general gunk. So for dildos, especially the ones you’ll be sharing with others, non-porous materials are usually preferable. Some common non-porous materials include silicone, glass, and metals (such as gold or stainless steel). If you have a porous dildo, you may want to stick to solo play or plan to use condoms on it (more on that later). For a more extensive analysis of how to choose the right dildo for you, check out this article.

Finally, for anal play and bondage play, you’ll want your dildo to have a flared base. That way, it won’t disappear up your ass and you can secure it to a harness separately. For solo play, you may want to consider a toy with a suction cup base, which opens up even more possibilities for how you can use it. But more on that later!

2. Also choose a harness if you want to use it for strap-on play https://www.mytoyfirst.com/strap-ons.
A harness is something you wear on your body and attach your dildo to so you can penetrate your partner. It will usually go around your pelvis and hold your dildo in place where the biological penis will sit, but there are also harnesses that go around your chest, hands, thighs, feet, forehead, and more. It’s all about how you want to be able to control it.

Sometimes harnesses and dildos are sold as a set, but for the most part, you’ll have to buy them separately. Just like buying a dildo, there are a number of factors you need to consider when buying a harness, such as style, material, size and dildo compatibility. To learn everything you need to know when buying a harness, check out this article.
3. Use plenty of lube.
Sexologist and sex educator Goody Howard, M.S.W., M.P.H., tells SELF that any time something enters your body during sex, lube can make it easier and more enjoyable. You just want to make sure the lube you choose is compatible with your dildo and the condom you’re using. The biggest rule of thumb to remember is that silicone-based lube should not be used with silicone toys (it will destroy the material) and oil-based lube will degrade condoms and make them ineffective. If you need help choosing the best lube for you, check out this article. 4.

4. Use condoms when necessary.
As SELF has previously reported, there is a risk of spreading STDs even if you are having sex with a dildo. This is true for STDs transmitted through bodily fluids, such as chlamydia and gonorrhea, and for STDs transmitted through skin-to-skin contact, such as human papillomavirus. So just like having sex without toys, safety is key.

Condom safety is about more than just using one in the first place, though-it’s about using a new one when necessary. To have safe sex while using a dildo, use a new condom every time you go from being penetrated to doing penetration (and vice versa) and every time you switch from anal to vaginal use of a dildo, according to a previous SELF report. The latter helps protect you from urinary tract infections or vaginal infections by making sure you don’t spread bacteria from your butt to your urethra or vagina.

5. Discuss the use and sharing of dildos with your partner.
Obviously, this is important for safety reasons – if you and your partner share sex toys with others, you want to make sure you’re on the same page about using condoms and maintaining proper toy hygiene. But that’s not the only thing you should discuss.

„I also get asked a lot if you should change dildos for each partner, or if you just use the same dildo and wear condoms for different partners,“ Howard says.“ It just depends on the person wearing the dildo and their relationship with the dildo. They may think, ‚This is my dick, and I’m going to use it with each partner and use a condom.‘ Or maybe they’re not married to a dildo, and they’ll use different dildos with different partners.“

You may not know what it feels like to be you, and that’s fine. Discussing things with your partner can help you figure it out.

6. Don’t forget about foreplay.
Even if you use lube, Howard recommends setting aside enough time to get into the mood, relax and, if possible, engage in some natural lubrication. Yes, you can have foreplay while you masturbate! No partner is needed. Howard suggests experimenting with different ways to stroke yourself and get turned on – maybe you can use your fingers before bringing in a dildo, or tease around your vulva with a dildo before penetration.

For bondage play, foreplay may involve wearing your sling in a non-sexual situation to build anticipation. This, by the way, is also a surefire way to make your strap-on generally more comfortable, so win-win.

7. Experiment with techniques other than penetration.
You may be inclined to use your dildo exactly how one more has sex with a biological penis – that is, by thrusting in and out of yourself or your partner at different speeds – but there’s no reason to limit yourself. For starters, some dildos (such as those with certain textures or large curves) aren’t designed for this. Besides, there are more options
Some people prefer to insert a dildo for the sensation of fullness and otherwise enjoy only clitoral stimulation. Others prefer the feeling of a gentle slap once the dildo is in, or simply clinging around the dildo rather than a thrust. Of course, if you want to use the dildo in a more traditional way, then feel free to insert it. It’s completely personal.

If you’re not sure where to start, Howard suggests you think about how you usually masturbate without a toy. What kind of sensations do you like? Can you do something similar with a dildo? By the way, it’s also a useful tip to start by choosing a dildo. For example, do you usually use the „come here“ motion when you masturbate? A curved dildo might be a good choice).

8. find your favorite dildo-friendly position.
This applies to both partnered sex and enjoying your dildo alone. For partner play with strap-on dildos, try simple sex positions to get you used to the strap-on dildo, especially if you are a dildo wearer. Missionary style, on all fours, or standing on the edge of the bed while your partner is lying on the edge, basic positions allow you to adjust the strap-on dildo or guide it with your hands if necessary.

For solo play (or partner play that doesn’t involve a sling), it’s about finding a position where you can reach the dildo and move it the way you like. If your dildo has a suction cup, Howard recommends attaching it to your dildo.
9. Combine the use of the dildo with clitoral stimulation.
Whether or not you stimulate your clitoris is about whether or not you like it. If you don’t like it, don’t worry! It’s worth noting, though, that according to the Mayo Clinic, many people with vaginas need some sort of clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, so if this interests you, don’t forget the clitoris when you enjoy penetration. Combine your dildo play with a bullet vibrator or wand, or just use your hands.

10. Experiment beyond penetration, too.
Speaking of branching out, there are other ways to utilize your dildo or strap-on. Just think outside the box and follow your instincts about what might be hot (as long as your partner is also on board).“ I love getting ‚blowjobs‘ from my husband,“ Melissa R., 28, previously told SELF. „It feels silly at first, but it turns out to be really hot. Once I started thinking of my strap-on as ‚my dick,‘ we had more and more ideas about how to play with it.“

11. Brush up on your anal sex skills.
Safe and pleasurable anal sex is an entire separate article, but luckily we’ve already written about it here. More than vaginal penetration, anal requires a certain amount of advance planning to work yourself up to full penetration. This is thanks to the lack of natural lubrication in your buttocks and the muscle called your anal sphincter, which is designed to keep things nice and tight so poop stays in (and therefore more difficult to insert without proper technique). So if you wish to use your toy for anal, check out that article as well.

12. Communicate during sex.
Communication is important for almost all partner sex, but there’s a specific reason why it’s especially important to communicate while using a dildo or strap-on: you can’t always feel what you’re doing.“ One thing I learned early on is that I’m a terrible judge of how deep I am when I use a strap-on,“ Spencer W., 25, previously told SELF. „My poor partner puts up with a lot of low-key stabbing. But it’s not like hands where you can kind of feel where you’re at. Take your time and check it out along the way.“

The same goes for the receiver, by the way.“ If there’s something that feels uncomfortable, say so.“ Lisa Finn, a sex educator and brand manager for Baboland, previously told SELF.

13. clean and store your dildo properly.
Yes, even if you’re the only one using it. In general, you should wash and dry it after each use so it’s as clean as possible, according to a previous SELF report.“ Learning to clean sex toys properly is so important. So many people don’t know how to do it,“ Howard said. How to clean your dildo depends on the material, but you can clean many with a little soap and water or with a professional toy cleaner. To learn everything you need to know about cleaning dildos, check out this article.



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